The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise

Season 3, Episode 5: I Dismember Mama

Greetings! The boys from Charming Noise are back with a movie that is both terrifying and cringe-inducing. We could only be describing "I Dismember Mama" from 1972, also known as "Poor Albert & Little Annie." Albert has, let's call them issues, and ends up institutionalized just because he tried matricide once. Unfortunately, therapy has not helped much, and he escapes and heads home to finish off mama. She's not there, but...well, it gets bad. It's got murders, sure, and then a long section where he grooms one of his victim's daughters. That's right, you do not want to see this movie. But we have, and are willing to convey our displeasure with hilarity and a bit of therapy.

Season 3, Episode 4: Black Mama White Mama

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – AND POSSIBLY PAROLE The Turkish Diplomats Present: Charming Noise Next Episode – “Black Mama, White Mama”: Pam Grier, Chains, and Mid-Jungle Mayhem

Hold onto your polyester, kids—because the Turkish Diplomats are back, and this time we’re handcuffed to 1973’s Black Mama White Mama, a film that asks the timeless question: “What if The Defiant Ones had more cleavage, a flamethrower, and a funk soundtrack?” Starring the indestructible Pam Grier and her very sweaty co-star Margaret Markov, this explosive romp through revolution, bathhouse brawls, and jungle justice gets the full diplomatic treatment in our next Charming Noise episode. It’s social commentary with a side of gunfire, smuggled cash, and an evil nun who probably missed her calling in Bond villainy. Coming soon to Podbean, Spotify, Apple, iHeartRadio, and anywhere fine podcasts flee the authorities. Subscribe now, or risk solitary confinement with nothing but a VHS copy and no tracking button.

Season 3, Episode 3: Frogs

The boys are back with a new episode of The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise! This time, we subjected ourselves to the 1972 drive-in classic Frogs. This one has some genuine stars of the screen, including Joan Van Ark, Ray Milland, and Sam Elliott. We have confirmed it is him although the mustache is not present in this film. Basically it's a warning not to throw Sevin dust or giant canisters of "No More Amphibians" around your island. Sam meets a wealthy family fighting with each other for the wealthy Grandpa's attention, yet all the animals yearn for their demise. Will any survive? Will Joan and Sam become an item? Will Sam take off his shirt? Yeah, you know that last one is true.

Season 3, Episode 2: Empire of the Ants

Incoming madness! The Turkish Diplomats are diving headfirst into Empire of the Ants (1977), a film that dares to mix real estate fraud, toxic waste, and *giant mind-controlling ants**—all with the sheer audacity of 70s B-movie insanity. Joan Collins tries to survive, but will we? Tune in soon for our latest episode of *Charming Noise, where we unravel this glorious disaster—coming soon on Podbean, Spotify, Apple, and now *iHeart Radio*! #CharmingNoise #EmpireOfTheAnts #BadMovieGold

Season 3, Episode 1: She Demons

By God, the boys have finally posted the first episode of a new season! Yes Season 3, Episode 1 of the Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise is finally live. In this extra-long very special episode, Tom, Calvin, and Paul review what some have referred to as "a movie." From 1958, "She Demons" by B-movie director Richard Cunha provides the fodder for the boys to nearly talk longer than the actual movie. There's a lot to check out...hurricanes, shipwrecks, mild but pervasive racism, barely-clothed dance troupes, and that's before the Nazis show up! Then there's a laboratory, an unlikely love story, underground laboratories, monster ladies, German geothermal energy exploitation, and maybe a nuclear bomb! Speaking of a bomb, that may be what this movie is, but you'll have to listen to find out.

We're on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, TuneIn, and YouTube, or you can check out our website at www.turkishdiplomats.com.  

Season 2, Episode 10: Star Odyssey

Greetings! Tom, Calvin and Paul take on another Italian sci-fi masterpiece...well, it is a piece, for sure. The film is 1979's "Star Odyssey," originally released as "Sette uomini d'oro nello spazio," or "Seven Golden Men in Space," which really has nothing to do with the plot, if that's what we can call it. This is a cheap Star Wars ripoff, and the exploitation for profit is so heavy that one video release is called "Metallica." Basically, Earth is under attack by a bad guy with a bunch of evil robots who want to enslave mankind, but this ragtag group from Earth, especially our hero, Hollywood, are going to do what they can to stop him. Of course, the subplot that will cut through everything is the love story of two robots on the side defending our planet. Worry not, they will not consummate their love on-screen, and they even explain why. Obviously, the boys have commentary you don't want to miss, so enjoy the show, if you dare.

Season 2, Episode 9: Horror of the Blood Monsters

This is a dilly of an episode. The Turkish Diplomats (Tom, Calvin, and Paul) are joined by our first guest ever on the pod, our friend Ronnie Kroepfl on a very special Charming Noise. She's Tom's wife and a longtime Bad Movie Night aficionado, so it's a treat to have her on. This is a double episode because we have plenty to talk about. We review and fan out over one of our favorite movies of all time, the 1970 Al Adamson classic "Horror of the Blood Monsters." The boys have always referred to it by the name "Vampire Cavemen of the Lost Planet" because we first saw it on USA Network under that name. Don't worry if you don't know it, because there are about a dozen more names used in various releases. This has everything a bad movie needs, including John Carradine and footage borrowed from a Filipino caveman monster movie. Need I say more? 

Remember, you can subscribe to our show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, and YouTube. Also, check out our website at https://turkishdiplomats.com/. 

Season 2, Episode 8: Star Pilot

Never fear, as Tom, Calvin, and Paul, a.k.a. The Turkish Diplomats, have returned to mess up your world with a new episode. Today, we talk about "Star Pilot," an Italian production from 1966. This has everything the boys love, which means it's an enjoyably bad movie. We are noting some patterns with Italian sci-fi this season, including the fact that once one of our representative astronauts lays a little earth sugar on an alien, hostilities are going to come to an end. Also, Italian film production made generous use of borrowing whole scenes from other movies. The digital transfer we saw on Tube even grabs footage from a movie made with Casey Kasem ten years after it was shot! By the way, if aliens come to earth for repairs, where do they go? London? New York? Paris? Nope, they go to Sardinia. 

 

As always, we encourage you to subscribe to our podcast. We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, and you can even listen to us on YouTube!

Season 2, Episode 7: Biohazard (1985)

The Turkish Diplomats (Tom, Calvin, and Paul) are back with an episode featuring the 1985 space monster thriller "Biohazard." This season, the boys have been pursuing films with the theme "Science in space gone bad." Well, you can't get a lot worse than this, especially when the actual tagline for the movie art in one of the video releases was "Science gone very, very bad." There's a lady who has mind powers of some sort or another, and during poorly conducted experiments by a science guy accidentally imports killer aliens to earth, including one played by the director's five-year-old kid. Arguably, he's the best actor. Don't miss this episode. And don't forget you can catch our podcast on Spotify, TuneIn, Apple Podcasts, and even YouTube. 

Season 2, Episode 6: Astro Loco

Crikey! This week, the boys have gone down under, and I don't mean in the way that got them crossways with the local constable. No, I mean they are reviewing the 2021 Australian production of "Astro Loco." Basically, there's this ship, right, and it's flying to one of Jupiter's moons, and...well, you can hear Tom, Calvin, and Paul discuss hot Russians, traditional effects, and just which movie is being ripped off depending where you are in the movie. The future is so bright, it has to avoid wallaby droppings!