The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise

Season 2, Episode 7: Biohazard (1985)

The Turkish Diplomats (Tom, Calvin, and Paul) are back with an episode featuring the 1985 space monster thriller "Biohazard." This season, the boys have been pursuing films with the theme "Science in space gone bad." Well, you can't get a lot worse than this, especially when the actual tagline for the movie art in one of the video releases was "Science gone very, very bad." There's a lady who has mind powers of some sort or another, and during poorly conducted experiments by a science guy accidentally imports killer aliens to earth, including one played by the director's five-year-old kid. Arguably, he's the best actor. Don't miss this episode. And don't forget you can catch our podcast on Spotify, TuneIn, Apple Podcasts, and even YouTube. 

Season 2, Episode 6: Astro Loco

Crikey! This week, the boys have gone down under, and I don't mean in the way that got them crossways with the local constable. No, I mean they are reviewing the 2021 Australian production of "Astro Loco." Basically, there's this ship, right, and it's flying to one of Jupiter's moons, and...well, you can hear Tom, Calvin, and Paul discuss hot Russians, traditional effects, and just which movie is being ripped off depending where you are in the movie. The future is so bright, it has to avoid wallaby droppings!

Season 2, Episode 5: Mission Stardust

Well, after far too long, Tom, Calvin, and Paul present their latest review, this time for a 1967 German-Italo production, Mission Stardust. This movie is based on the Perry Rhodan series of science fiction novels, so if you are a fan of those, this movie is for you. Actually, if you're an enemy of those, this movie may be for you, because we can't imagine this being a good adaptation of anything. It's got everything you want in a movie...unjustifiable death, evil, levitating jeeps, inter-species sex, space leukemia, secret labs in Mombassa, weird normalization of 20th century colonialism...it's in there! 

Season 2, Episode 4: The Astro Zombies

Okay, Episode 4 is up, and it's "The Astro Zombies." But didn't you guys (Tom, Calvin, and Paul) do that episode the other day? No, we did one of its apparently many follow-ups. This is the original Ted V. Mikel's classic (?!) from 1968. It's actually not a horrible movie. In fact, I think the boys rather enjoyed it. Does that mean it's good? No, no of course not, but it does have John Carradine, Wendell Corey at his funniest, and the alluring Tura Satana. Nobody has to hold her up this time! Don't miss this fascinating episode, and don't forget to subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, and/or our YouTube Channel.

We've got a lot of good stuff coming out soon, so stay tuned. Oh, like our new logo? Tom did it! Well, Tom and AI. I think it's dandy.

Season 2, Episode 3: Mark of the Astro Zombies (Part 2)

That's right, kiddos. If you listened to the last episode, by federal law you have to listen to this one as well, because the boys weren't finished talking about this movie. That's how much was wrong with it. So, enjoy the second volume of our two-parter "Mark of the Astro Zombies." Once again, no one named Mark is in this movie. Weird. 

Also, you can still subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and TuneIn. You can also listen to our episodes now on good ole' YouTube. Just search for "The Turkish Diplomats," or go to https://youtube.com/@theturkishdiplomats-km2nz?si=ZRxfAN0qL2O4KrYm.

Season 2, Episode 2: Mark of the Astro Zombies (Part 1)

Yes, it's the return of the Turkish Diplomats as they take a turn at the 2002 direct-to-dustbin "Mark of the Astro-Zombies." This is a "reimagining" of the director's original film "The Astro Zombies" made in 1968 with some members of the original cast, including himself and Tura Satana. We plan to watch the original next, if for nothing else that it may help burn out the memory of seeing this movie. There's so much wrongness to talk about that we ended up making a Part 2 which we'll post in a few days.

Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, TuneIn, or Spotify. Also, our podcasts are now available on YouTube as well on the Turkish Diplomats channel. 

Season 2, Episode.1: Inseminoid

Well, well, well...The Turkish Diplomats, a.k.a. Tom, Calvin, and Paul, have begun a second season of Charming Noise! This season, the theme is Space Science Gone Wrong! I know, I too am intrigued, and you'll be intrigued with our first episode based on the 1981 movie, "Inseminoid." This dangerously British movie is sort of like Alien on a BBC budget before they realized Dr. Who might be a hit. Scientists are working in a lab on a distant planet (not that there are any close ones). One of them is attacked by some creature outside the station and impregnated. She then goes coo-coo, and starts killing off her comrades. Things happen quickly, and if you can keep up with all the characters, you should consider getting your own podcast, because it was a challenge for our hosts. 

We are available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, TuneIn, and Spotify, and this season our podcast will also be on YouTube! That's right, the boys have their own channel now. 

Series 1, Episode 11: Bigfoot (Troma)

In the last episode of this season, our intrepid heroes review the 2006 direct to something film "Bigfoot." This movie is a bit of a conundrum, in that we can't find out much about it. It was made by a guy named Bob Gray, and the film is officially a Troma release, though they really had little to do with it, which is probably fine by them. Actually, there's not a lot that makes sense in this movie, but there are some enjoyable scenes. In fact, Old Man Hobson is the real hero of this movie, and has the best scene by far. Jack, the intended hero, is not terribly bright, and the more you hear about him the more you wonder why anyone would listen to him. You can find out about both of them by watching the movie, or you can save your time and listen to the Turkish Diplomats and their fine insight.

Series 1, Episode 10: What Happens in the Mountains, Should Stay in the Mountains Part 2

Okay, this may be a little confusing. The Turkish Diplomats have reviewed a sequel and not the original simply because it's just not easily found. But don't worry, it would have even wasted more of our lives had we seen Part 1. Let's just call it "What Happens" so I don't have to write out this freakin' title again. It is a Bigfoot horror movie in that there is a Bigfoot, and the movie is horrible. Folks, listen to this podcast, which at 35 minutes is a far better waste of your time than this movie. We have plenty to talk about, regardless. I would summarize the plot, but there isn't one. There isn't even a real story arc to mention, but this thing still has multiple shooting locations across three states! Thank god early 2000's Handicams were so portable. At least there's some killin'. 

Season 1, Episode 9: Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper Part 2

Here it is, Part 2 of the Turkish Diplomats trying to work out their childhood traumas via explanation of the film "Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper." Seriously, Tom, Calvin, and Paul could have talked another episode or two about this movie, but at some point one has to move on and embrace the future with hope and dignity. Or, in this case, we probably all needed to go to the bathroom. We tell you what happened to Morgan, we describe the big hunt, we talk about killin', and finally we get to what may be the greatest fight scene in the history of cinema, or at least that we've seen in a Bigfoot movie. What happens with D.B. Cooper? Trust me, it's a plot development we didn't see coming, but we'll tell you in this episode.